It's finally here!!!!!!

For months I have waited. For months, I had questioned if I was supposed to be a part of this hospital ministry. Was my purpose only to plant the seed? Is that what God wanted to use me for? Planting a seed?? If it is, who am I to question what He wants me to do? Off and on, the doubts would penetrate my mind. If that was the case, what was with the severity of the spiritual warfare that I went through almost one year ago? Then came the day. A prayer request comes over regarding someone who was about to have surgery. This is the day where it was decided that we give this Care & Prayer ministry a test run. An elder went to them before the surgery for support and prayer. I placed a call to them after the surgery to see how the surgery went and if there was anything else we could do for them. Just the phone call alone was satisfying, knowing that I was doing what the Lord wants me to do. The next day, I go and make the visit to them; the first official Care & Prayer visit. Words cannot even explain (though I’ll give it a shot) how humbling it was to do the Lord’s work. We sat and talked for a little while before some family showed up and then I prayed with them and left. It may not sound like much but I realized this is what God wants me to do. This is why He made me the way that He did. I walked in the door and didn’t have one ounce of anxiety, not one tremble of fear but I walked in with confidence as if I have known this person for years. Just to know that I was doing God’s work made me want to cry. The overwhelming power that comes over you is so humbling. God chose me. He doesn’t need me to do this. He’s omnipotent. I’m nothing compared to Him, but still He chose me.

As I was leaving the hospital, I was so jazzed about the visit. While I was thinking of how awesome it was to be used by God, a verse popped in my head. It was a parable that Jesus told (Mark 4:3-8) and then had to explain to his disciples what the parable meant. In Mark 4:16-17, Jesus explains “¹⁶Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. ¹⁷But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away.” I don’t want to be that person that quickly fades in faith when trouble comes. I want to be the one that Jesus explains in verse 20, ²⁰Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—thirty, sixty or even a hundred times what was sown." I want to be the one that grows stronger in his faith. My sister-in-law is a fantastic example. She exudes the love of Christ through her actions and her words. She is so loving and so giving that she inspires those who follow Christ to be the same. After speaking with her this weekend, the love she has for Christ is so much more evident than when I had spoken with her before. I want my life to revolve around God…now, all I have to do is let Him take complete control. Man, that sounds awesome!! I’ve got some growing to do, but I look forward to that day!

May the love of Christ fill your heart!!

God is so good

Since September, I have been wanting to take part in building a hospital ministry at my church. It's been a long process. Shortly after I came to my pastor to talk to him about a hospital ministry, he approached me and said that someone had quit her job because she felt led to work on a hospital ministry. How amazing is that?? Not too long after that, I had been listening to a podcast of Joyce Meyer and she was talking about how God will plant a seed and if you just let Him work, it will flourish. I saw that happening right before my eyes with this hospital ministry. I was obedient and presented it to our pastor and then God put people in motion to get this thing rolling.

During this process of waiting, my friend Sue, was working on some administrative duties for this ministry. She is so awesome! Her gift of administration and organization are spectacular. She's so good at it that I began to question whether or not I needed to be a part of this thing. Man, she grabbed the reigns and took off. As I have told her a couple of times, if I had been in charge of doing what she has done, I'd still be trying to figure out which hospitals to visit. I'm so thankful that God didn't allow me to give up on this ministry because it is going to be something special and I'm so honored to be a part of it.


We had our first meeting for the Care & Prayer ministry on Sunday. What an uplifting experience. We had about eight people in attendance with a couple others that came in for the packets and left. But the people that were in there were asking such great questions and if they stick with it and be obedient to God, they will be wonderful conduits of God's grace. I'm really looking forward to working with everyone in this upcoming adventure. If you go to Rivervalley church and are interested in this ministry, contact me.

Nostalgia week is over...

This week has been filled with so much emotion for me that I could barely stand it.  It all started with the picture that I gave Jill for her birthday.  As I said in my previous post, that picture was just as much of a gift for me as it was for her.  The first 3 or 4 days were great.  I couldn't keep my eyes and hands off of her.  I just wanted to be near her and touch her because "it was her."  The other days, I still wanted to be near her and still wanted to touch her, but the emotional high that I was on came crashing down on me.  My emotions just started being...well...they were just BLAH.  I noticed some sadness, irritability, anger, etc.  Several months ago, I had an encounter with these very same emotions and some of their friends.  That was not a pleasant time for me.  Perhaps at another time, I will share that encounter.  I never want to go through that again and I became very apprehensive to even get near these emotions for fear this problem would come back again for fear that it would open that door and let those emotions control me again.  And, with God's help, I have been able to avoid any circumstances that would open that ugly door.  However, when I take God out of the equation and try to handle it on my own...well, I get to where I am currently...well, where I was.  Jill was very in tune to how I carried myself and confronted me on it.  I'm glad that she did.

Last night, I wasn't feeling very spunky.  I just felt like I was in a pretty big funk.  Jill and I put in our wedding video and watched our reception.  Other than some drunk folks in charge of the camera, it was enjoyable to watch and brought back a lot of great memories.  Unfortunately, it also brought along sadness.  In that tape, there were 5 people that are no longer with us, my dad included.  Seeing him speak on that tape brought tears to my eyes.  What's worse is during the dollar dance, he was the last one to dance with me.  The way that he came up and grabbed me and hugged on me flooded my face with tears.  I miss him very much and just wish that I could talk to him again.  My dad had some unsavory qualities but he also had some great qualities.  He had a charming smile, a great sense of humor and a great laugh.  Thankfully, the video ended soon after the tears dried up.  Jill and I decided that nostalgia week had to be over.

Today was a decent day.  We drove to Ft. Wayne for the home-schooler's convention.  The drive there was nice and for about an hour inside the Coliseum, it was somewhat enjoyable.  The first thing my math-wizard son did was try to figure out the area of the convention center that we were in.  We came up to about 15,300 square feet.  Shortly after that, we went to lunch and had a nice time.  After lunch, we dropped Jill off at the convention and the kids and I decided to try and hit the zoo.  Unfortunately, everybody else in Ft. Wayne decided to do the same thing, so we skipped it.  Zach decided that he wanted to go to the mall there and look at things.  So we did.  During this time, I started to sense some irritability.  People in front of me were walking so slow, it was all I could do not to push them out of my way.  Not to mention, there was a bunch of stupid Ohio State junk all over the place.  Aren't the people in Ft. Wayne aware that Ann Arbor is closer than Columbus, OH??  Well, shortly after being at the mall, Jill called and said that she was ready to go home.  We picked her up and headed home.  After being at home for a while, Jill and I got to spend some time together and just being held by her made my feelings of irritability melt away.

Here's to the start of a new week and letting God be in control.

Luckiest Man Alive

As my wife's birthday was approaching, I was very excited about the present that I was going to give her. It didn't cost much but it had a TON of meaning for the both of us. You see, the present that I gave her was this picture of us dancing at my brother and sister-in-law's wedding backing in 1991. I was 17 and she was 21.

Gazing at this picture, memories came flooding back to me. Wonderful feelings of nostalgia filled my mind and my heart. I was remembering how I felt about her and what I would give to be with her. I had no idea, at 17, that we would be together. That's what I wanted, but I had no idea that it would actually happen.

At the time this picture was taken, I had a crush on her that had lasted about a year. She was oblivious to how I felt about her, nor did she even think about it. Why would she? After all, I was only her best friend's husband's little brother. Plus, she had a boyfriend at the time, but he was away that weekend, which is why I got to dance with her. For years, I was infatuated with her. My feelings for her were unknown, quite honestly. I didn't really know her but I couldn't deny how I felt about her, especially when she was around. Heck, I didn't even know her last name. I would see her about twice a year because she was always at my niece's and nephew's birthday parties. Our conversations were short. More often than not, our conversations consisted of the standard pleasantries. "Hi." "How's it going?" "How's school/the job?" For six years, that's as much as we spoke until...

May 25, 1996 -- This is one of the, if not THE, best day of my life. I was in Indianapolis, during my summer break from college, helping my brother clean up some of his rental properties. On this day, May 25, 1996, he, his family and I were headed for the Indy 500 Parade. This parade is held every Saturday before the race. About an hour before we were about to leave, Jill comes over and decided to go to the parade with us. Apparently, there was a mouse in her house and her mother, who was visiting her, abruptly left in the morning because she had no intent of staying in a house that mouse was in. Jill was dating someone at the time but it wasn't very serious. My brother called him and invited him to come to the parade because Jill was going to be there. My brother tried to persuade him to come, all the while, in my head, I was wishing he'd shut up and hang up the phone. Thankfully, for me, her not-so-serious "boyfriend" did not come out with us. During that day, Jill and I spoke more than any other time. As you read above, that really wouldn't have taken much. We got to know each other and my feelings for her grew. Luckily for me, her feelings for me began to change. Suddenly, I was my own person. I was no longer Darrin's little brother. Later that day, she confided in my sister-in-law, Julia, that she had feelings for me. Julia knew how I felt about Jill and ended up telling me what Jill had said. Needless to say, I was very excited but had to hide it because Jill was not supposed to know that I knew this information. As luck would have it, two tickets for the Indy 500 became available and I asked Jill if she wanted to go, which she did. Later that evening, we shared our first kiss. My dreams were becoming reality. This just shows me that it was all in God's timing. From her boyfriend not being at the wedding, which allowed us to dance, to her not-so-serious "boyfriend" not wanting to go to the parade. I didn't know it at the time, but looking back it was plain to see. Our first date was the Indy 500, May 26th, and I had finally learned her last name. Coincidentally (or was it?), our daughter was born on that very day, six years later.

Ever since that day, we have spent very little time apart. For whatever reason, I had to go back to the Chicagoland area for a week. Sadly, I don't even remember why I had to go up there. By that time, Jill and I had been dating for a few weeks. After spending a week in Lombard, IL, it was time for me to head back down to Indy and finish helping my brother with his properties and, of course, be with Jill. As I got in my car and prepared to leave, my car wouldn't start. I called Jill to to tell her what was going on and she nearly got in her car to come get me. Turns out she really liked me.

After dating for about seven months, I decided to ask for her hand in marriage. I knew that she was going to say yes because of several OBVIOUS hints that she would drop. The only surprise for her would be when. One time, we were going to Wal-Mart when she noticed the Jewelry3 store. Sounding like an amateur commercial video, she says "Look honey, there's Jewelry3, I hear that they have the lowest prices in town." I just looked at her and laughed. And, yes, we did go in and look at rings. Another time, while paying her bills and signing her long, Polish last name (Taraskiewicz -- I can't believe I remember how to spell that), she says "I can't wait until I have a shorter last name." What she didn't know is that after we looked at some rings and whatnot, I went back the next day to put the money down on the rings. I had played along with some of things she would say. We once had a conversation about wedding rings. I told her that I wanted her to have a nice one and she said that she wouldn't mind to have regular bands. It was cruel, I know, but it was worth it to see the look on her face when she opened the box up and saw her wedding ring that she had picked out a few months earlier.

We were married on 8/9/97. This year will mark our 13th year married but 14 years together. I couldn't be happier. She is the love of my life, my best friend and my soul mate. I thank God often that He allowed us to be together and that we continue to love each other more and more. To this day, I don't really know what I had to offer her that would make her want to be with me forever but I'm sure glad that she took the chance. I love you Jill, more and more everyday. Thank you for choosing me.

After having such a GREAT Friday evening, how on EARTH did I allow myself to fall into a funk?? Saturday and Sunday, I was feeling the same negative emotions that just about did me in over 7 months ago. I had feelings of judgment, anger, loneliness and escapism. I just wanted to be by myself wallowing in my feelings. Why is it that I didn’t see this coming? I have already been through this and now I’m letting it happen again. I didn’t once think that God wasn’t with me. Of course, I also didn’t feel as if I was holding Him at arm’s length, but apparently I was. How is it possible that I became blind to what was going on around me? To pass the time and get my mind off of it, I did yard work. All day, I was able to not dwell on these emotions. However, that never heals it, but rather suppresses it. And when it comes back, it doubles in its strength, making it harder to deal with.

At church this morning, I wasn't feeling it. I didn't feel like worshiping as I have in the past with arms raised and just feeling His presence. Instead, I stood there with my hands in my pockets and sang the words. Jill said to me after the service that she just really felt as if something was affecting the both of us. When she got home, she went through the house reading scriptures to clear the house of any negative energies. It's awesome how that works. You could just feel the negative energy dissipate. Before she did that, I had no desire to go to the Prayer and Song service this evening. Afterwards, I knew that I needed go and I am so glad I did. I could feel the presence of God there! He lifted my spirits and, again, pulled me from the deep end.

Thank you God...You are always there to pick me up and get me back on the path.